The Art of Forgiveness in Islam: Letting Go and Moving Forward

The Art of Forgiveness in Islam: Letting Go and Moving Forward

To err is Human, To Forgive, Divine. 

This oft-repeated, oft-referred to line by the Enlightenment Poet Alexander Pope is a strong acknowledgement of the fallibility of mortals, the supremely elevated status of forgiveness to the point of being associated with the Divine and the ability of Man to look past the mistakes and forgive, praised as an emulation of a Divine quality.

What is Forgiveness?

Even without the religious context, forgiveness is a noble quality to cultivate in one’s character, not just to bring harmony in societal circles but something that is necessary to a person’s self-worth and mental health. It is imperative to understand that the concept of forgiveness which is often always misconstrued to be a sign of weakness, low esteem and submission, is actually indicative of strength of character by acknowledging and condemning the wrong, rather than condemning the wrong doer, and a giving heart. 

Forgiving does not by any means indicate condoning the wrongdoer, excusing the wrong doer and complete reconciliation as if no offense has been done to harm the victim. Forgiveness to put plainly, is for you, so that you may be able to move on. To elaborate, experts explain forgiveness as: being the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

While it is easier to believe that forgiveness is for the offender or to let him go scot-free without any accountability, it is actually for the victim, to whom the withholding of forgiveness is detrimental. The human mind is a complex organ with an equally complex cycle of pain wherein hurt or pain can fester to the point of developing into grudges, bitterness and resentment, all antithesis to forgiveness. Through forgiveness, we can gain some semblance of control over our mental health to avoid succumbing to relationship and mental health problems, like anxiety and depression. 

Concept of Forgiveness in Islam

Forgiveness is a subject very central to Islamic beliefs, frequently and intensively discussed in both the Quran and Hadith. Broadly speaking, there are two types of forgiveness which are:

1. Allah’s Forgiveness:

This type of forgiveness is strictly between the Creator and the Believer, a strong characteristic of the spiritual bond. The implied connection between forgiveness and the Divine in the introductory quote is not mere hyperbole. Indeed, among the 99 names of Allah SWT, there are several related to the attribute of forgiving, including ones with the root letters ghayn-fa-ra (غ ف ر), which has the following classical Arabic connotations: to cover, veil, conceal, hide to pardon, to forgive, to set aright, to cover a thing, to protect it from dirt.

The names Al-Ghaffar, Al-Ghaffur, and Al-Ghafir, mentioned over 90 times in the Quran, all refer to Allah's attribute of being forgiving. When it comes to Allah SWT, there is absolute sublimity associated with the quality. Allah SWT is witness to each and every act of sin and disobedience performed by mankind yet forgives and forgives completely and accepts the repentance of those who are sincere. The sins, regardless of their quantity and magnitude, can completely be turned into a clean slate provided one turns to Allah SWT with true remorse and sincerity and the intention of never pursuing it again. It is the sheer benevolence and mercy of Allah SWT that He shows never-ending compassion and forgiveness, no matter how big or small the sin. He is the Most-Forgiving and loves to Forgive.

2. Human Being’s Forgiveness (others and self): 

The second type is the forgiveness of a person towards himself and towards other humans who have hurt him, physically, mentally or emotionally. Believers are often tested when it comes to looking beyond our pain to forgive someone for it can be a momentous trial.

Islam lays great significance upon the qualities of forgiveness and showing mercy as evidenced in the Quran, Hadith, Sunnah, Islamic History and the traditions following the times of the Sahaba RA. It is an attribute to be nurtured as it is a gift from Allah SWT along with being a lesson from Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. It extends far beyond saying a ‘Sorry’ or receiving one, being a quality that brings about spiritual growth and nearness to Allah SWT. It is a journey one undertakes to pave the way for empathy, peace and to become a better person. Forgiveness of a person towards another has been mentioned with the reference to Forgiveness of Allah SWT in Surah Nur:

“And let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” (24:22)

The importance of forgiving and overlooking faults with the reminder of Allah’s SWT mercy is complemented by highlighting the reciprocal nature of forgiveness where when one forgives another, one can hope for Allah’s Forgiveness in return. 

We are constantly reminded to let go of anger, seek reconciliation and solve issues with wisdom and compassion where no party or person is oppressed. Forgiving thus, is the pathway to spiritual growth and our commitment to Islam. In a beautiful hadith, it is narrated from our beloved Prophet ﷺ:

‘I guarantee a house in Jannah (Paradise) for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Jannah (Paradise) for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah (Paradise) for one who has good manners.’ (Abu Dawud 4800)

The Muslim Ummah is one where one Muslim is the brother to another. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘It is not permissible for a man to forsake his Muslim brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salam first.’ [Bukhari and Muslim] (Riyadh-us-Saliheen 1592)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

The gates of Paradise will be opened on Mondays and on Thursdays, and every servant who associates nothing with Allah will be forgiven, except for the man who has a grudge against his brother. it will be said: Delay these two until they are reconciled; delay these two until they are reconciled. It was related by Muslim (also by Malik and Abu Dawud). [Hadith 20, 40 Hadith Qudsi]

The instruction to forgiving was not just an instruction, it was continuously witnessed in actions of the Prophet ﷺ by the Sahaba RA throughout his life. Learning forgiveness through the Sunnah gives us deeper insight into how this quality is a sign of strength, patience, and self-discipline. When we emulate him ﷺ by showing mercy to those who have wronged us, we gain the reward of following the Sunnah in addition to many other benefits.

An important incident from the life of the Prophet ﷺ stands out where an ayat of the Quran was revealed to encourage mercy and forgiveness. Hazrat Aisha RA, the Mother of the Believers was slandered remorselessly by the hypocrites, who spread rumors about her in the city. One of the Companions, Mistah RA- a relative of Abu Bakr RA, who was supporting Mistah RA- got influenced by the false propaganda and believed the accusations. When Abu Bakr RA (father of Ayesha RA) found out, he swore to stop supporting Mistah RA. The following ayah of Surah Nur was revealed, after which Abu Bakr RA resumed his support. 

And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. (Al-Nur:22)

Benefits of Forgiveness in Islam

Islamic teachings emphasize the need for forgiveness not just because of the high status the attribute has, but also because of the benefits for the forgiver, once he takes the difficult decision to forgive. 

Spiritual Benefits: Holding grudges, enmity and reproach and allowing them to fester, is strongly detrimental to a believer’s heart and spiritual health. Forgiveness is thus directly related to spirituality for when we forgive others, we are following the steps of the Prophet ﷺ and bowing to the commands of Allah SWT. Forgiving cleanses our hearts, strengthens us spiritually and brings us closer to Allah SWT.

Psychological Benefits: Anger and hurt can become extremely toxic for one’s emotional and mental health, potentially resulting in chronic stress, anxiety, bitterness, mental fatigue and a severely weak ability to see situations with clarity. Forgiveness proves to be an antidote, granting us peace of heart and mind and improved relationships with those around us.

Social Benefits: Man cannot function by secluding himself from society. Nevertheless, there are bound to be quarrels and arguments where one might be harsh to others. Forgiveness often helps one group get along better with the other, ultimately resulting in stronger communities. It helps to accept diverse minds in society while encouraging compassion, empathy and unity. It is a highly beneficial quality to cultivate especially in workplaces to ensure a harmonious environment. DEENIN is continuously striving to foster healthy relationships and positivity within its ranks, emphasizing on the importance of prioritizing forgiveness and showing mercy, not just in workplace but in their personal dealings too in order to contribute to a strong yet compassionate society. 

Forgiveness as a Means of Growth

It is important to understand that generally and even in Islamic teachings, forgiveness is not just for the offender, but equally a gift to oneself. Liberation from anger, hurt and resentment allows great room for personal growth and development.

Healing Power of Forgiveness

A true believer will always incline towards reconciliation and ‘fixing’ problems. While forgiveness can feel impossible at times, it cannot be ignored that it ultimately can heal wounds and mend broken relationships. The astounding powers of this attribute cannot be ignored when one sees for himself how it can break the cycle of retaliation and foster reconciliation. The Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ reveals how forgiveness can resolve conflicts and cause harmony to prevail, as witnessed in the forgiveness and mercy extended towards the Makkans following the Conquest of Makkah.

How to Cultivate Forgiveness in Personal Relationships

It is important to acknowledge that the ability to forgive, which often requires time, patience and determination, might not come easily to everyone, whether it is forgiveness for the person himself or someone else. It is however encouraged to keep company with wise and faith-led people who have the patience to give you time and space to heal. Understanding with humility that we are all fallible and imperfect and thus liable to err also plays an important role in making a person more amenable towards forgiving. With that said, certain advisory steps are mentioned to help one ease his way towards forgiving others in order to cultivate and re-build important relationships that might have been severed due to incidents causing hurt, pain, misgivings and grudges. 

1. Address and Acknowledge the Issue

The foremost steps towards forgiveness include reviewing the situation with facts rather than assumptions to get a clear idea of where things went wrong and then acknowledging the situation complete with its ramifications. Interpersonal quarrels may result in growth, rediscovery and clarity about matters we were ignorant about. In order to exorcise the anger and the hurt, consider: would you be more content if you were to let them go? Contentment and peace of heart and mind are all inextricably linked to the person himself. Never let yourself forget that holding back forgiveness means letting your peace rest in someone else’s hands.

2. Attempt to Understand the Other Side

Difficult as it is, it is beneficial in the long run to attempt to understand the reason behind the aggressor’s actions. Understanding the why of his actions does not mean you endorse it or excuse it, only that seeing the other person as just any other man with weaknesses rather than the Enemy will help in thawing your heart towards forgiveness. Strife and dissent in personal relationships are often fraught with misunderstandings that lead to hurt and anguish. Hard as it seems, giving the other person the benefit of doubt instead of accusations (unless you have clear indicators) that could exacerbate the situation would take you another step towards being forgiving. In Surah Hujarat, which can be called the cornerstone of Islamic Social Etiquette, Allah SWT clearly asks the believers to abstain from making assumptions: 

‘O you who believe, abstain from many of the suspicions. Some suspicions are sins.’ (49:12)

For some people, saying sorry requires a true strength of character, which ironically, they mistake as weakness as if it would obliterate their self-worth and ego. 

3. Consider Life as a Constant Test 

Emotional breakdowns often give way to ungrounded blames and accusations, situations that need to be tempered promptly. Never lose yourself in anguish that you fail to see that people are responsible up to a point. At the end of the day, life plays out as decreed by Allah SWT who Knows and Sees what we do not. Trust in His Infinite Wisdom which will make it easy for you to find some semblance of resolution to live with. Indeed, the Prophets AS were tested, and it is helpful to keep reminding ourselves that our lives themselves are a test from Allah SWT and that both good time and trials are from Allah SWT.

In the Quran Allah SWT Himself mentions how some people can be a test for some:

‘And We did not send before you, [O Muḥammad ﷺ], any of the messengers except that they ate food and walked in the markets. And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.’ [Surah Al-Furqan 25:20]

4. Share Your Feelings

Oftentimes, when pain and hurt are not confronted, they develop into grudges which are potentially hazardous to relationships and mental health. A catharsis resulting from a heart-to-heart with someone close, who is sincere and wise, can mitigate any possibly emerging damage from strong or repressed emotions. Another helpful strategy would be to approach the other party and share your feelings with them in a manner that is clear, so they understand that you are not making accusations but letting out your pain. 

5. Go Through Examples of Forgiveness in Sunnah

Forgiveness is no smooth matter, no matter how many times we read or hear about it. More often than not, any encouragement towards forgiving someone tends to anger the person more. One should have time to grieve and nurse their hurt but never allow it to fester to the point that you lose yourself in it. Revise the stories of the Prophets AS as they navigated through their lives, tests and trials from Allah SWT coming their way from their closest relatives. 

From the oft-repeated story of Prophet Yusuf’s AS amazing level of sheer mercy to forgive the brothers who tried to kill him to the numerous instances of mercy and forgiveness in the life of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ like the incident of Taif and forgiveness for all at the Conquest of Makkah, the Quran and the Hadith are replete with examples of how these venerable Prophets AS were tested and their Perseverance despite extreme suffering. 

The Prophet ﷺ was truly an example in inter-personal relationships and reiterated the insistence for maintaining good relations. In one of the many Ahadith related to the subject, it is narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said,

 ‘Do not harbor grudge against one another, nor jealousy, nor enmity; and do not show your backs to one another; and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to avoid speaking with his brother beyond three days.’ [Bukhari and Muslim, Riyad as-Salihin 1567]

6. Forgive People to Gain Allah’s Forgiveness

A very basic question to ask yourself when you cannot bring yourself to forgive someone, whether close or not: Do I want forgiveness from Allah SWT? Obviously, the answer is yes. Consider your sins and disobedience of Allah SWT, which He can readily forgive with complete and infinite mercy if only you turn towards him with complete sincerity. Consider the action of the person who has wronged you, your act of forgiveness is but a dot when compared to the forgiveness you need and ask for, from your Lord. To put simply, what weighs more, the anger in our heart or love and need for the Mercy and Forgiveness of Allah SWT?

Abdullah ibn al-‘As reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘Show mercy and you will be shown mercy. Forgive and Allah will forgive you. Woe to the vessels that catch words (i.e. the ears). Woe to those who persist and consciously continue in what they are doing.’ [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 380]

7. Aiming High: Towards Qalbun Saleem (A Sound Heart)

Islam is a way of life that is centered upon our faith in Allah SWT. Ultimately it is His obedience and Pleasure that is our goal. While it might seem the loftiest of aspirations, know that you should continuously strive for achieving what is referred to as the Qalbin Saleem (A Sound Heart) in the Quran. Generally speaking, it is a heart free of the mundane and the Dunya. Reach for the excellence of Qalbin Saleem, because your hearts are made for the love of Allah SWT and not meant to hold so much hurt of this worldly life. Forgive to clean your heart, forgive to go a step further towards the excellence of a Sound Heart.

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